It is said that when you lose someone you love, you enter
the stages of grieving. These steps include denial, anger, bargaining,
depression and acceptance. One stage may be visited longer than another and
sometimes those who are grieving revert back to a prior stage or simply start
at the beginning again. They say that once you’ve reached the stage of
acceptance, you learn to continue your life, holding close to your heart the
memory of the one you lost.
I don’t know who initially came up with this idea or these
steps, but I must say that they do know something about losing a loved one. It was
hard. There were moments in which I refused to believe you were gone. Some moments
were filled with despicable shouting and rage. I spent weeks asking if there
was anything I could have done to save you that night, negotiating and bargaining
with myself. And finally, I fell into an extreme hopelessness before accepting
that you are now in Heaven. It was beyond hard. That part, they were right
about.
But what these people didn’t know was what life was like
with you in it. They didn’t grow up with you by their side. They had never
heard you burst into laughter or caught the excitement in your voice when you
talked about fixing an old truck. They were never the victim of one of your sly
insults, with that cunning grin plastered on your face. They were never blessed
by knowing you. And so when they say that after accepting you’re in Heaven and
no longer on earth, we learn to keep living life, holding your memory close to
our heart… they have it wrong.
You are more than a memory. You’re
the whisper of the wind in the middle of hunting season. You’re the laugh of a
two year old who has your eyes. You’re a reoccurring tear on the cheek of your
mom and dad. You’re the pictures in the frames, smiling back at us. The purr of
an old engine being revved. And sometimes when I least expect it, you’re right
beside me, reminding me that it’s all going to be alright.
You are more than a memory, Joshua Tyler Shelton. And though
we miss you greatly, we thank you for a year full of reminders.
I love you,
Brittany Jade
